Yet still I come, I must come again and again, it is only in this place that I feel right with me.The hunt is good, all eat well. I finish my hunger, and I am very hungry. And after, all have joy, there is leaping and playing and happiness. I alone have no joy. My hunger is gone now, but there is another hunger in me that cannot be filled by eating.Altauk will no longer come with me. None of the others will come. They tell me I cannot always live in shadow, no good can come of it. I know they are right.But they are not there when Mother and I find the tiny calf alone and starving, its own mother caught in a great weed and drowned. I could free her from the weed if I were older, I learn that almost always one may escape the weed if one is calm and does not take fright and entangle oneself. But I am small myself then, and besides we are not there in time for her, only for her calf.For Kitik.Those others are not there as Mother takes the calf to herself, and nurses it together with me.. So I did. I watched, and to my great surprise, Heather seemed happy with you. She loved you and when Polly came along, she had never been happier. I began to think that I was wrong about you. ‘Then you left her and my grandchild! You just up and left! I was furious at you, and Heather was beside herself! I tired to comfort her and take care of her but she kept pushing me away, telling me I didn’t understand. When I spoke of you, she would snap at me, telling me to keep my mouth shut about you. I didn’t understand. You left her and she would not let me complain about you. I was stunned!’ I was getting impatient. So far, this was what I expected. Grace wanted to blame me and she didn’t understand why Heather wouldn’t allow that. No surprise so far. I opened my mouth to try to say something but she stopped me with a wave of her hand and a glance that took me by surprise. There was real anger there. ‘I know what you’re going to say! Heather finally told me the truth and made sure I knew.
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